College
I feel like all I think about is college.i say that it’s all the same and a scheme to steal money from the poor, yet I spend my days and nights worried about what college I’ll get into, and whether I’m doing enough, and whether I am enough. Everyone tells me it’s up to chance and I believe them, and I still can’t stop stressing!
I’’m writing this during the intermission at Les Miserables (whoopsies), a day after my Forensics competition. And sitting in this audience, watching these students pour their voices out onto the stage, I can’t help but feel a stinging sense of envy. I want to sing!! I want to act and dance and siiinnng. I thought doing forensics would be my substitute— a compensation for not allowing myself to do theatre because it was “too much commitment”. But no matter how much I love forensics, i feel so unsatisfied.
That smoky, scintillating stage is where I want to be. To be honest, it feels like every other day that I find a new muse to yearn for and cry over, waxing poetic about how I’ll never be able to have it because I have some gravely imperative responsibility. To be a student, is my responsibility. Yet to be an artist, to be a performer is my dream.
I dream a dream, I wish upon a star and I return to my college application.
College is not worth my life, my youth. What am I doing?
Ya I feel like exact same whenever I see plays or even just when I went to Athen’s ethnic fair this week. A lot of academic-focused people have “performance arts” activities like orchestra but it’s so different to see people do it purely out of passion. It feels like they actually get to be kids and discover/do what they love while we lock ourselves in our room and become academic slaves. Anyways I always feel this way at performances and then go home and study some more to contribute to the cycle 😛
ReplyDeleteSuch a short yet beautifully written blog Nicole! I hate how the path of high school to college and just the social expectations of pursuing a well-regarded major makes people feel like they can't pursue their true passions.
ReplyDeleteI love how you you talked about your true opinions of college and what you would rather be doing in life. As someone who also loves singing (but sucks at it), I could truly understand what you meant when you said you felt "unsatisfied" doing smth like forensics. I also really like how comical and raw your blog was Nicole!
ReplyDelete你我同是宝贝在这花园里，园丁细心呵护不让你伤心～
ReplyDeleteWe’ll all be flowers in the near future. I hope things will get better since we are all in his kingdom.