I am sorry for hating men!!
Hey guys, I have something to apologize about!
I'd like to say sorry to all of the males that I've targeted in the classroom over the past year. I'm sorry that you had to be a victim of my hate speech (even though it was really funny), and I promise to improve myself! Especially: male 1 I mean Aadhav, Anthony, yea the entire back right table oopsies! Honorable mentions to Noah Kwok and Vighnesh, sorry to you guys as well...
I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be a feminist, especially after all our gender studies these past few weeks. I always viewed myself as a staunch advocate for women and girls (I love you girls!), and especially for gender equality. However, recently I've had to come to terms with some very real inequalities that I've seen and been perpetuating. Since the birth of the manosphere, which is largely accredited to Andrew Tate, there has been a growing disconnect between men and women in values of all aspects, as well as the way they view each other. More specifically, between the average red-pilled man, and the blue-haired feminist woman. You could even say that theres a real...dichotomy between the modern man and modern woman.
Of course, these are caricatures of the values that real men and women hold, which I believe is probably somewhere in between these two extremes.
Because of this divide, many of the guys I know seem to view females as overly performative or dramatic, and primarily, too uptight. On the flip side, many of the girls I know kind of view males as crass and overall lacking in the department of empathy. As for me, I unfortunately have been subscribing to this view for the past few years.
Yet, some of these guys are my friends whom I also love, respect, and support. I also can't say that I don't enjoy talking with guys, they are a very funny people, and are sometimes even interesting! And throughout the years, I've always liked being in co-ed groups more than gender-segregated groups. So I guess you could say I'm dealing with a bit of cognitive dissonance.
I think these views we have of each other stem from real, valid disparities between each gender, and reveal flaws in late-stage feminism as a whole. As we know, mens' brains on average do mature later than women due to girls' puberty starting and finishing earlier (ethan can factcheck me i guess), but girls being more "mature" than guys has much more to do with how we are socialized, and actually, the biological difference in empathy that we possess.
Firstly, girls are typically taught to be gentle, kind and understanding, whilst boys are expected to rough-house and IDK do whatever boys do like throw rocks in the water and go "oooh" at the big splash. Sidebar I hate it when videos have that and go "boys only!" Like what do you mean, boys only? Everyone can appreciate a big splash I don't understand why it has to be limited to just boys. Aggressive behavior is often dismissed with the phrase "Boys will be Boys", normalizing and even uplifting these actions in some cases. When these children grow up, this gets translated into adulthood. American women are expected to act dignified, whereas American men are expected to be hooligans.
Secondly, studies actually show that females biologically exhibit higher levels of empathy than men, including engaging in more prosocial, altruistic behavior, as showing higher emotional responses to other people's pain. So yes, women are predisposed to more empathy, likely due to maternal instincts (take squirrels and their altruistic screaming, which is mainly only done by female squirrels). That's why it can seem to women that men are less empathetic, because they are. However, these higher levels of emotional response can also register as "being too emotional" to men.
Not only that, when fourth-wave feminism was at its peak (around 2017-2022), many do agree that the culture was saturated with a sort of "performative activism" that was more focused on being virtue signaling—appearing virtuous and moral— than actually making change, which was only exacerbated by the fact that most of the activism took place on social media. I can see how this would be a turn off to many people witnessing influencers engagement-farm through saying things that were quote-unquote politically correct. Nowadays, the connotation of the word "feminist" can even leave a bad taste in people's mouths.
It's safe to say there are very real grounds for all the division among us. But despite it all, we still have to treat each other with respect, because we are all human, and both genders do need each other to survive. I think a lot of "feminists" celebrate hating men and how a man-less world would be so much better. We like to call ourselves misandrists and laugh because haha hating men is funny!! Well, I kind of still do think maybe a little bit that it is still funny, but not in a serious way! Gender equality doesn't mean putting women above men any more than it does putting men above women. It means that sometimes, women might look like they're getting better treatment when in reality, it's just compensation for all the damage that gender-discrimination has done to women. It means understanding that men also suffer due to the patriarchy, and their struggles should also be addressed. It also means that I don't get to judge someone negatively just because he is a male.
I will continue to make my jokes about the dudes in my class because they are just such easy targets. I will also express disdain towards them when they say something that might be a little questionable. (I will leave it at that, you can surely fill in the blanks)
I like how you humorously acknowledged your own biases while still staying true to your belief in gender equality. It shows real growth and reminds us that feminism should be about respect and understanding for everyone.
ReplyDeletewow, this was certainly something. i had to rub my eyes to make sure i wasn't reading the title wrong. intresting word choice and very intresting picture at the end. may i ask why two kid's eyes look a little small?
ReplyDeleteI like how you said there is a dichtomy between men and women, its a very keen and witty observation.
ReplyDeleteNicole your blogs are always such a fun read! Your take on topics are always very vulnerable and raw, and you aren't afraid to acknowledge your own participation in certain behaviors that you critique which is super admirable!
ReplyDeleteHahaahaha, this was a unique blog nic. It's very interesting how you went from our environment to the societal expectations put on us, detailing a lot of things I would've never thought of. I like your last big paragraph about feminism. I found it really interesting when you said, "Gender equality doesn't mean putting women above men any more than it does putting men above women." I don't think I have enough emotional stability to put my stereotypes aside, but this blog has given me some amount of grit to try.
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